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Kittens Community Service 10

Kittens Community Service 10

Welcome to a very special Community Service with aVeryAngryKitten. Can you believe that the Community Service is ten years old today? I couldn't either, but when Kitten called me up and asked me to be apart of the celebration that she was having thrown in her honor, my one and only question to her was, "Who's hosting?"
Hi, Im t.v.s Tony Danza, you may remember me from such hit shows as Taxi and Whos the Boss, or maybe you were the one who used to watch my daytime talk show, The Tony Danza Show, regardless of how you know me, Im just happy to be here for Kitten to host her 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION FOR KITTENS COMMUNITY SERVICE!!!
Today we have a service for you filled with laughter and joyous tears...Who knows, maybe Ill even sing a song....its gonna be fun so stick around, and ya better listen cuz "I'm The Boss".

Horoscope with Timmay311
Aries- was at walmart last nite - twisted metal on the shelf for 19.96
Taurus-i didnt shoot u in the face - i just fired the shotgun and u ran into it
Gemini- taranator seemed like she was gunning for me!
Cancer- so im kind of a nerd
Leo- I wont tell ya again. Or another black eye n another visit to the vattered womans shelter
Virgo-So y is it not ok for 2 gay men to kiss?
Libra- And for the record id rather be surrounded by gay people
Scorpio- nothing anyone says here is gonna get me butt hurt
Sagittarius- I realized how wide open i left that after i typed it
Capricorn- pennsylvania - the middle of nowhere
Aquarius-lmao hooray for coo pons
Pieces- Hes a big fan of my milkshake!

10 years......can you believe it? Neither can I.....I mean the years just flew by, didn't they? I remember when WhosYourMommy was just know as WhosYour, but then of course she had those little rugrats of hers and the name she now has became official.......Remember JobJob? How it was looking like he was never gonna get a jobjob and just live with his parents for the rest of his life? Thank God for Crystal Meth, right Jobjob? If it hadn't been for you selling that drug and finally meeting that car salesman who gave you that first job(only because he owed you so much damn money and it was either the job or you take his daughter) well, lets just say you would probably be a much different man......How about RyanJ? Ten years ago he was just being born. Now we have all had the pleasure of watching him turn into the man he's becoming(British).
Of course we all have had heartache as well. The day Trollz came to the forum and told us he was living with the community came together for Trollz is one inspiring tale and I like to think he's still with us ten years later because of the support and friendship we all gave, that's something no amount of pills could ever give.
My point to all this is simple.....ten years is a long time.

True Story
Ok, so Im driving down I-10 headed to Vegas....It's night and there wasn't a soul on the road other than me, to be honest with you it was pretty freaky.
Anyways, Im driving and I see this strange light flickering in the middle of the road. It's kinda pulsating between two colors, red and green I think and as Im getting closer it's getting bigger and bigger. Well I get closer to it and thats when I see it, a U. Fucking F. O. I shit you not!
I was all alone on this dark road and floating right in front of my Santa Fe is the answer to are we alone in the universe! I was both in awe and pissing my pants in fear.
So I stop the car and watch this thing for a minute and it starts to lift off the ground. I start to pull out my phone to snap some facebook photos and it just shoots up into the sky, straight up. I tilt my head at it and it stops dead in the sky, flashes blue and green and then phew....its gone! Well I had to tell someone, anyone, about what I saw so I pull into the Taco Bell up in the next town. I get to the drive thru window and as I start to tell my story to the guy I see that, and I swear to Christ this is true, that the person working the window looks exactly like Seth Rogen.
True Story

Other News

Scottsdale, Az- Regardless of how Megan Reed may act whenever she meets people for the first time, Ryan Barber, her boyfriend of four months, swears up and down that, "she really isn't a bitch". Friends of Ryan would disagree though, even going as far as calling her a "Super Bitch" on his Facebook page just to get their opinion across. The conflict of opinion started after Ryan was first set up on a date with Megan  by a co-worker, immediately the two hit it off and started seeing each other exclusively, much to the despair of everyone Ryan knows. We talked to Bryan Barber, Ryan's brother, who told us just how much a bitch Megan really is, "Mega-bitch." Devon Montgomery, Ryan's best friend of six years, had this to tell us, "You know that saying you tell someone when they are acting like a bitch, that they are walking around acting like their shit don't stink? Well, and this is really creepy, her shit literally does not stink. I mean, I know it's weird but her shit smells more like vanilla. If that doesn't tell you something then I don't know what will." Megan could not be reached for comment.

Detroit, Michigan If you find yourself somehow traveling towards Detroit at breakneck speed and you haven’t a clue as to why you would be going there, there can be only one reason: You’re on your way to the Lair of the Hairless Bear. At one point in each of our lives we are all called upon by the Hairless Bear. We don't know when the Bear will call, we just know that he will and that when it happens we will be judged. If the Hairless Bear judges you to not be worthy of this life, then the Hairless Bear will eat you and your time on this Earth will be through(as in the case of my father). Most though are judged in a positive light and are able to leave with the Hairless Bears approval, so don't worry. When you arrive at the entrance to the cave of the Hairless Bear, note the way the ground is tilted. If it is tilted up then the month of April will be especially rainy, if it is tilted down, then a famous celebrity will possibly become impregnated in the coming days, and if the ground is not tilted at all then that is the Hairless Bears way of telling you to lay off the carbs. Scientists have yet to understand how the Hairless Bear can control these things, we just know that he can and it must be accepted. If on the way to the Hairless Bear, he tells you by mental telepathy to pick him up some gummi bears, it would be a smart decision to do as told. A few people have failed to meet the Hairless Bears requests and those same people are no longer with us, the Hairless Bear sent them all to Canada. No one knows why the Hairless Bear sends people to Canada(Toronto, usually) we just know that he started doing this sometime around 1986 and that it must be accepted. People wearing shorts when meeting the Hairless Bear will not be accepted into the Hairless Bears chamber. If you find that upon your calling to the Hairless Bear you are wearing shorts, then it must be accepted that upon arrival you will probably be either eaten(most likely) or banned to Canada(least likely). No one knows why the Hairless Bear hates shorts, we just understand that he does and so it must be accepted. Finally, the Hairless Bear is a daunting and time consuming task for most people. You need to try and just have fun with it and let the way of the Hairless Bear help you grow into the man or woman that all of us become. Yes the Hairless Bear is scary, but that is only because he is a Bear and Bears are pretty scary up close. Just remember he's also Hairless, and being Hairless is funny, especially for a Bear

Glade, Tennessee After getting lost almost three years ago while their family was vacationing in Yellowstone Park, the unbearably adorable and crazily mismatched duo of  Buddy the Black Lab and Jasper the Calico cat have finally made it home, and the community surrounding them has been stricken with “aww shucks” fever. Sadly, the home that they once knew is no longer their home. Upon arrival at their former doorstep, the trio(they were joined about halfway through their journey by a Beagle named Rivers who suffers from Hyper tension disorder) were met with a stern look of disapproval and the boot of the old Mexican lady who now owns the home. We spoke to Mike Richards, the Animal Control officer who was dispatched to their former home for pickup,"For three years these animals have made an incredible journey, now that journey has come to an end. They will be split up now and placed in holding stations for either euthanasia or adoption, but considering the age of these animals it really doesn't look good." For adoption information please contact your local A.S.P.C.A

Hidden deep within this very post, a Ninja lies in wait. Can you spot him? Of course you can't, he's a fucking Ninja! They hide like this for a living, IT'S THEIR FUCKING JOB! That's right, Ninjas are supposed to be quiet. Not a peep from a Ninja, not even a fart, and if they do have to fart you can damn well bet it's gonna be silent and deadly! Why? Cuz Ninjas know that when the shit goes down, and it most certainly will go down if a Ninjas around, but when they around, it pays to be quiet and hide. Shhh! You hear that? That's right, you didn't hear shit because a Ninja didn't become a Ninja by being all loud and shit. He was trained in the ancient Ninja art, stuff you can't learn by going to College. Unless it's a Ninja college, but I don't know where one is and if there is one around here, I don't think they're taking your application any time soon. WHAT WAS THAT? Was that the Ninja? I don't know man, but I'm freaking out here! I feel like Grover in that book, There's a Monster at the End of this Book. You know the one, where Grover is saying "don't turn the page, don't turn the page! There's a monster at the end of this book!" Yet we the reader just keep saying "fuck you Mr Grover", and keep on turnin. But when we get to the end we all find out that Grover was the monster at the end and everybody ends up happy. Except, this ain't no book, and I'm no Ninja and you most certainly ain't happy.

The crime-ridden, alcoholic nation of Poland went before NATO today complaining that stereotypes about their communistic land are hurting its economy, namely the tourist portion. When the anti-Semitic speaker of Poland had finished he was met with a small amount of applause and some light finger snapping from the hippie loving, pot smoking liberal representatives of Nato(Sean Penn was there). Reps for the Asian portions of the world and the people who are clearly smarter than everyone(especially where math is concerned) gave Poland its full support in getting rid of stereotypes, adding "We very, very excited to support Poland in stereotype problem. We know all to well stereotyping, it bad, bad thing. Ching chow." He then drove off and wrecked into the building across the street. The wild animal roaming, dirt road nation of Poland also got support from the racist nation of South Africa, the Nazi loving Germany and the really bad dancing white guy in the corner. More as it develops.

This issue of Community Service was brought to you by the letter Q and the number 4. Thanks for reading.

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