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"Quote of the Week"
"I won't fly Talon, cuz that's what a Bitch drives and I ain't no Bitch."
John F. Kennedy, 1956
Activity Feed Recap
In case you missed it here's what happened in the TwistedClans Activity Feed.

Someone tried to put a music video up and it was quickly brought back down by JobJob.
Jcub talked a lot about porn(not the clan, actual pornography)
Ignorant Giraffe said something humorous.
BladeAngel mentioned cheese.
There was some kind of discussion about Ohle.
Yadaris mentioned Coldhands body
Jeph made a card

Weekly Horoscope with Sea-Urchin
Aries - Facing [muse] without any preparation would be defeat.

Taurus - The only way to kill runners is to flank them from both fronts with two people working together. Now if the maps were designed properly, then running wouldn't be much of a big advantage, but alas that isn't the case so runners continue to prosper because this game is built for them.

Gemini - I'll give up on DP though.

Cancer - I've never met you in my life. Please leave me alone, pervert.

Leo - Urgent Emergency: I need to be in clan [BSRK] please and thank you.

Virgo - You honestly don't remember what happened in Reno? Shame on you, silly boy!

Libra - Give me a few maps where cowards can run all over the place, but can't get away and I'd be a happy killer. :)

Scorpio - I usually go around thinking I won't be hit by anything, but not because I'm cocky rather because I drive at an odd angle.

Sagittarius - Jasontooth needs to be the ST though. He's the best!

Capricorn - Oh, you know my sensitive spot.

Aquarius - I don't think people suck. I feel, more sure, they play improper.

Pisces -
Priority one = defense. Be hard to kill.
Priority two = move to teammates to assist or have them assist you.
Priority three = finish kills and secure healths.
Priority four ='do reliable damage.
Priority five = collect weapons.
What are you Listening to??
Your weekly roundup of whats playing in tm players stereos 

Pepsi-Generation - the Coca-Cola theme.....I'm so ashamed...

JustBroke - "Hold on" by Wilson Phillips.......Its really the theme song of my life...I'm so ashamed.

Wiiguy_7 - The Super Mario Theme......what, did you think Id listen da anyting else?

Whosyourmommy - "Whos your Daddy" by benny benassi.....I dont really want to talk about it....

Jeff - God damn it kitten, Im not answering until you spell my name right.......(mumbling) for Christs sake the ph is in my freaking ps Id, its not rocket science.....

Don't forget to order your yearly subscription now and you will receive as a bonus gift, The Men of Twisted Metal, a 12 month calendar showing off the men who play this game in nothing more than... well, nothing. That's right ladies, these guys are absolutely naked for all the world to see and posing in the most uncomfortable of uncomfortable, we mean HOT....

For the men who order their subscription early, as a bonus gift they will receive a Football phone. This fun filled phone will have people confused, wondering if they are making a call on a phone or a real life football! Its hours of fun and all yours if you order now.

Welcome to Community Service with aVeryAngryKitten

Issue #2 of Community Service is here and we've spared no expense in bringing you your up to the minute reports on all the things that impact your world. This issue is being brought to you in glorious 3D, so get out your blue and red 3D glasses and enjoy. Remember to duck though, cuz these stories will get right up in your face with factual information.

In todays issue we will talk with the music group The Black Eyed Peas about why they play Twisted Metal(betcha didn't know that LuksGunns is really Will. I Am?) We will meet a 72 year old cancer survivor who says Twisted Metal saved her life and we will watch an Aardvark dominate a game of Hunted, all this and more in todays issue of Community Service.

It takes skills to get the kills, at least that's what Jesus told his apostles(Psalms 5.17), but as more and more players start heading towards unranked rooms the question needs to be asked.....

How skilled are you really.
Ive always been fascinated with the skill level aspect of this game, whenever I mention it though I always get the same response, skill level means nothing.
The thing is, its always people with a high skill level that are telling me this. Its like when rich people tell poor people that money doesn't buy happiness, family is what really matters. Meanwhile the poor persons family is constantly fighting and tense yet the rich guys family is, for the most part, happy and content. Do you know why they are happy and content? Because they are not worrying about money.

If skill level means nothing then why can I not kill someone with a 100 skill level just as easy as someone whose level is at 26?
The system may not make sense at times but for the most part it is pretty accurate. I love playing ranked Dm and Team Dm only because it offers me a record of how well I'm actually playing this game, something unranked fails to do. Yes you have more freedom of choice in unranked, but you also wont play it as seriously.
For those of you who do not care about skill, please lower yours for the week. Fail like you have never failed before. Play ranked and use only your specials. Better yet, make an alt account, use the id name we all know you by but add a number 2 to the end of it, this way we will all know who you are and can see how high your skill level is once you get it. Doing this will show you how good you actually are with just the bare minimum of cars and ammo.

To start this party off I will tell you that I recently did this and do you want to know what my level was at once I got it? 64. It was a real eye opener to say the least. I tell you this because I like to practice what I preach.

One more thing before I close this weeks community service....
Clan battles and what needs to change.
Baseball preseason is held in far away stadiums that are nowhere near the teams home stadium. They do this so that they may practice without the pressure of the games outcome actually being something of importance. When a tm clan has a battle they do pretty much the same thing, the difference being that they play their actual battles in the same stadium.
Clans need to have their scrims and practice inside unranked rooms but if they play what is considered an actual battle, they need to play in ranked.
The reason for this is simple, there is no trophy for the winner, there is nothing for the losing team to actually lose, ranked rooms would give the battles more meaning. This game was designed for clan battles and I believe we should fight them in the setting that was actually intended and by the rules that were actually made for us. The reason you don't have the same freedom in ranked team as you do in unranked is because those were not how the match was intended to be played.
You can make all the claims that you wish about how talon shouldn't be there or if Juggs should be allowed, you can also bitch about how the shortstop stops your ball from going further when you hit it but that doesn't mean you take the shortstop out of the game because you don't like it, you simply adapt and learn to get your ball past him/her.

I leave you with this, I played a kid earlier today in the game Injustice. For ten games he kept doing the same damn move over and over, it pissed me off like you wouldn't believe. For ten games he kept choosing the same character while I would pick someone new in hopes of getting past his one stupid move. On game 11 I went back to the original character I had chosen in game 1. for the next five games I stayed the same, but each one got me a little closer to defeating him. I watched his moves, timing and looked for the opening I needed. Then on game 16 I timed my moves right and actually won the fight. He kept hitting rematch and I just kept winning. Out of twenty games I won a total of five by the end of the night, but Ill tell you, those five games are the best matches Ive played in that stupid game and Ill take them over his 15 wins any day.
My point is, all it took was a little bit of learning on my part. I took something that was so frustrating and made me want to quit like never before, but I learned to adapt and defeat.
Play the battles like they were intended.

I believe that's enough community service for today, join us next time when we talk with Angelina Jolie about why she only mans Kamikaze and how TM saved her marriage, we will talk with a Rabbi who is making claims about the healing power of the Grindhouse map, and we will finally show you how to get to that secret map in the host screen of the room settings, all this and more in the next issue of Community Service.I believe that's enough community service for today, join us next time when we talk with Angelina Jolie about why she only mans Kamikaze and how TM saved her marriage, we will talk with a Rabbi who is making claims about the healing power of the Grindhouse map, and we will finally show you how to get to that secret map in the host screen of the room settings, all this and more in the next issue of Community Service.

Where are they now

His Junkyard Dog was feared by all who crossed its path. For months his record was undefeated as he sat in the number one spot in the Twisted Metal Rankings, then one day he was gone, never to be seen again. Conspiracies circulated quickly throughout the TM community. Some said he had simply grown tired of the game and sold his copy to Gamestop. Others told of a man who was seen walking the streets of Toledo claiming to be SouperKnight and how he was on a quest to save his village. There was also a guy on Gamefaqs who commented in every topic that was about SouperKnight with the sentence "Your mom goes to College." Was this a cryptic cry for help from the former star or possibly a clue as to his whereabouts?
As the world waits for his return to the game at which he once ruled, we can only sit and speculate as to why he left in the first place.

Blue Voltage and Pink Tornado would like to invite everyone to celebrate the first birthday of their son, Purple Horatio Voltage-Tornado, this weekend at the Sun Springs Convention Center. It will be a night of fun, music and magic as "master illusionist, The Great Jerold takes the stage to show us his magic skills"(taken from the Master Jerold's website). The night will end as Singer Justin Bieber arrives to heat up the crowd with his musical styling and to enjoy some cake that is being supplied by Mary Greers Cakes and More(1232 W Topper St, Sunsprings) Hope to see you there.

Here are the weeks rumors and unchecked facts

1. Someone was seen dining with Blue voltage while Pink was at home with the kid. Who was this mystery girl who drove away in a pink junk yard dog? And what was with the tornado of activity later on that night in Blues home?

2. DLC is coming out in the coming months.

3. Cops are tracking players chat claims that they are engaged in unlawful use of marijuana. Once a player makes this claim then their PlayStation is triangulated and police soon bust in for an arrest. Apparently, this is what happened to The Silent Force.

4. Everyone you now play online is really just an alt account for someone you have already played.

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