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Kitten's Community Service with AveryAngryKitten Volume #3
This issue of Kittens Community Service is being brought to you in Stero-stropic Surround sound, Bass so loud......well....its just really fucking loud.

In this issue of Community Service we will talk with a family of Russian Acrobats who lost one of their members in a Twisted Metal related incident, Calypso will show us how to prepare Grilled Tuna with lemon sauce and we will see how the American Government is using TM to fight the war on drugs, all this and more in todays issue of Community Service.....
"Quote of the Week"
"Its a punk ass move to bring out Juggs in the beginning of a team game."
Abraham Lincoln
(2 days before his assassination by John Wilkes Booth)
Now Showing at the Grindhouse Theater

Fast and Furious 6

Show Times

Star Trek 2:
Into the Darkness

Show Times
Blue Voltage and Pink Tornado would like to announce the arrival of their newly adopted African child, Aquamarine Perez Voltage-Tornado. The 13 year old, whose original name was Mutaphe Ne but quickly changed once adopted to meet the color coordinated requirements of the Voltage Tornado family, is said to speak very little English and be partial to wearing faded blue jeans. If you would like to meet their newest member they will be holding a meet and greet this Tuesday at the Sunsprings Fairgrounds where they will have Aquamarine on display between the hours of 2 and 6. Punch and pie will be provided to all those attending.
News Clip of The Week
Jesus Christ was recently spotted coming out of a plane at JFK International Airport, prompting believers to say that the son of the lord has finally returned home, though nothing has been confirmed yet on Gods end. Coming off of a 6 hour American airlines flight from Houston, Jesus looked to be at peace with those around him despite the crown of thorns on his head and the fact that he died for all of our sins. According to inflight personnel, Jesus was very pleasant, kept to himself and blessed most of the passengers on board before take off, even prompting one atheist to "seriously think about converting". No word as to why Jesus was in New York.
I made the mistake of saying you should have clan battles in ranked rooms. This was a very dumb mistake on my part. Continue to have your battles in unranked rooms.
This has been corrections with aVeryAngryKitten.
Glitches and Ho's

Today lets talk about glitches and the game of TM.
We have all at one time or another, been the receiving end of a Roadboat lockdown. This move, done in various maps throughout the game, is where Roadboat uses its magnet kiss to hold you while ramming you into an unseen hole in the wall. The hole being of course, the glitch in question. Ive been trapped in Ghost Town, BlackRock and Sunsprings by this move, and once youre trapped, there is little hope of getting out(Blackrock being the exception, you just have to wait for the walls to lower and release you.)

My personal favorite for getting locked into is Dead City in the underground parking garage, its a strange place to be because you're underground but at the same time, you're not. It's like you're the dead girl in the movie The Lovely Bones, floating in between this world and....well...the underground parking garage in Dead City.

Regardless of where Roadboat has placed you, and as humorous as it sometimes can be, I still think its a dick move on the part of the Roadboat, especially if they do it during a team game.

Have you ever been to the lake inside Thrills and kills? This is a very interesting and rare glitch that, I believe, can only happen while doing split screen. Tara can back me up on this because it was her that it happened to. After her first death one game, she had the pleasure of respawning inside the hidden Thrills and Kills lake resort, I kid you not. When her screen came back up, all that we saw was her car sitting on a cliff overlooking a blue lake and in the background of the lake was the thrills and kills amusement park. She spent the entire game on that lake side, needless to say, our team lost.

Then there's the Doppelgangers, these are your evil twin that sometimes hide in random rooms you join. I say evil because they are only there to kill you. If you happen to join a room and across from you is someone with your name but they are driving a Death Warrant, understand that your time is growing short unless you leave the room. Once the game starts, if they die, you die and your stats will read the same. So either protect yourself or check yourself.

Night time in the park. This only happens inside Diablo and thrills and kills and can be a tad bit frustrating at times. If you happen to be on these maps and once the game starts you notice that things are a little darker than usual its because it is now night in the land of TM, at least where you are concerned. Its a creepy Dark Shadows type of night where you can barely see two inches in front of you and your headlights offer no help whatsoever. When this happens, you damn well better be good with reading your map because if you're not, your gonna die. Just imagine you are one of the marines in the film Aliens and those blips are the creatures you were sent to kill. Have fun on your bug hunt.

Finally, lets talk about the mysterious trampoline walls of Blackrock Stadium. These are by far the most amusing glitch in the game. Have you ever been driving along, singing a song, when suddenly you are thrust up into the air with such force that you almost touch the ceiling? Welcome to Blackrock The stadium has more than enough glitches to talk about but none of them compare to being launched up by an invisible wall. Since being discovered by a rouge Warthog user back in the spring of 1996, the invisible trampoline walls have been the topic of many discussions. Were they built by the Egyptians like some say, or were they built by a force far more sinister? We may never know, all we do know is that they are invisible and can really screw up your game.

I believe that's enough glitch talk for today, after all, I gotta spread out my 120 hours of Community Service, not just do them all at once.

Join us next issue when we ask, "whats with all the meatwagons?", plus we will join up with Muddeh, Jobjob, Kitten and Taranator in a very special DC reunion, you'll laugh, cry and be shocked with awe as these former clan members let it all out about the dark past of the DC clan(here's a taste, Muddeh was on steroids during his time with the clan), all this plus a Hamster that happened to win last man standing in the next issue of Community Service.

Where are they now

He was the reaper with rage quit issues. He founded the D.C. clan whose vast list of whose who players included JobJob, Muddy, Taranator and myself, aVeryAngryKitten. For the longest time he held the tenth spot in the rankings and would constantly remind new players as to why he was there. Like so many others before him, he was soon gone, never to be seen again. FishGreaseMazon gave a reason for his departure from the game of Tm though, TekkenTagTournament2. Leading up to Tekkens release, he announced his retirement from Twisted Metal to anyone who would listen on the popular game site, Gamefaqs. The last thing heard from him was an argument that he and I got in about which game was better, tekkentagtourny2 or DOA 5(DOA wins hands down). His last words to me being how girls cant play fighting games and are better equipped to playing RockStar Blitz and Critter Crunch(2 games I play, his comment infuriated me). The past being the past, I still wonder whatever happened to my former fireman DC leader, and will he ever come back to play?
Special Thank You
whereisjobjob.png A special thank you to all the readers who entered our "Where in the World is JobJob" Contest, which sent hundreds of you across thousands of miles in search of our elusive editor and chief, JobJobplayrough. Most followed the clues we gave to his whereabouts and came extremely close to finding him, but as this is a contest there can be only one true winner, that winner is........

Natasha Ryan of Dillon, Mass She successfully found JobJob standing in front of the GE Building, which is home to NBC studios, at 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York, New York. Congratulations Natasha! On a somber note, to the families of the ones we lost in Cairo, we truly are sorry for your loss but we never ever told them to go to Cairo.

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