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Kittens Community Service 9: (Also known as Weeken
Kittens Community Service 9: (Also known as Weekend at Bernie's 3)
Public Service Announcement
Walking on eggshells is impossible. One egg is bound to break. Not necessarily the egg with the weakest shell Probably just the egg with the most pressure. Would you buy eleven good eggs and one broken egg? Most likely not. Might as well break all twelve. What does this mean? Nothing.
"Vad taught me everything I know about this game."
Micheal Jackson, 2 days before his death.
Welcome to a very special limited edition of Community Service with aVeryAngryKitten. If everyone would at this time please grab the ticket you received by email for the drawing then we can get this underway and quickly find out who is the winner of our $1000 jackpot. A very special thank you needs to go out to Xployt for sending out those emails to all of you, if you guys and gals wouldn't mind sending him a message thanking him for the 20 dollar gift card to Gamestop that was also included in each of the emails, I know he would appreciate that as well.
Now, on to the drawing.......the lucky winner of our 1000 dollar jackpot is.....E4286!
If your email contained this number then you are THE WINNER!!! Congratulations!
Now on to the Service.
I drive Meatwagon, my skill level stays at a nice, cushy 92-94.
I drive Roadboat and it drops to 88-92.
I drive Outlaw and I drop to 70-75.
I drive Roadkill and the level goes back up to 86-90(I know, I was freaking shocked by this too)
Then, for shits and giggles, I decide to try Shadow........97. What.......the.......FUCK?
I had never used Shadow before. I had never liked Shadow either. I'm beginning to change my mind about this car.
So yeah, Im back on this site....blah blah blah......thank you for noticing.
Seriously though, everyone here is a bunch of assholes but I still think this is the best game community out there and I think everyone on this site is awesome. Simply put, Ive made some damn good friends from this site and game, so thank you.
That said, everyone is invited to the Pool party that Xployt is having at his house next month. If you need directions then don't hesitate to ask and as an added bonus, X is offering twenty members 2 round trip airline tickets to his hometown the night of the party , completely paid for by X, as well as some vouchers to the local LaQuinta Inn and Hotel. Its gonna be the most X-treme party of the year!
]Love is such a disgusting word, is it not? It is most definitely the most over used word in the English language. If it's not, then I challenge you to tell me one that is more devalued in meaning, irrationally spoken or used in more hesitant lies throughout history other than the word love. I love your car. Man, I love the Beatles. I just know that they would love this shirt. Yes, I'd love it if you'd wash the dishes. I love that strange patch of hair growing on your thigh, it makes you who you are baby. My love of cheese and cheese products are what keep me fat. I love what you did with the place, I especially love those drapes. Oh my god, I fucking love this song. I love you I love you too How are we supposed to believe it when someone tells us they love us when we are programed throughout our lives that love is a meaningless word used for absolutely nothing involving things that do not matter? So what is love? I used to think that love was just what it was supposed to be: A grand feeling of want and knowing that you are being wanted in return..... I'm not so sure anymore. I'm in love, been in love and have been told I am loved, but is it true? Maybe love is exactly like we say it to be, a descriptive adjective that only describes a mild feeling of like. If that's what it is then I don't want love....... I'd rather be really well liked.
Why are there so many websites about cats? (actually, I think I know the answer to this one. Dogs are mans best friend, it's universally accepted. As is the fact that cats care nothing about you and only about themselves, cat owners know this and try to defend the fact that they believe, even though they know they are wrong, that cats are a better pet. On a subconscious level, cat owners are very unsure about their feline friends. There can't be a whole lot of trust going on in those households, but in order to keep their "cat pride" going they then force feed all things cat related down our throats, suffocating us in a pile of kitty litter and squeak toys. Cat people will stop at nothing to prove themselves, and so, because of their self doubts, they then make posters, books, stupid photographs of cats in hats, more books involving stupid photographs of cats in hats and finally, numerous blogs involving, among other things, stupid photos of cats in hats. All the while, dogs are getting starring roles in film and television, protecting their owners and keeping the great land of America drug free..............Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe they just want to show off their cats.)
]North Korea is planning to unveil it's "hush hush, super top secret Proton Death Ray by mid-March, maybe mid-June" Kim Jong-Un (The Jongster as he's known in most circles) said by phone Tuesday night. "We are planning to give those Iranians and their Super Sonic Mind Control Force Field a definite run for their money. And look out Russia, with your Weather Doppler Windy Shonisticia, you ain't got nothing on us. Soon we will rule the world because we now have Death Ray." I then asked who was speaking and he said Kimmy Jong from North Korea. I told him I thought he had the wrong number at which point he asked if he had called 512-456-93782. To which I replied "no". There was a brief silence, some heavy breathing, a muffled "shit" then he hung up the phone.
MSNBC is reporting today that after a recent poll, eight out of ten people think the other two are wrong. The poll was taken by asking 100 people on the streets of New York questions about Conservatives in America and then compiling the results in to, what MSNBC calls, "an accurate representation of what the rest of America thinks." After questioning these results, we took a poll and found that most didn't know MSNBC was still on the air.
]All of Washington D.C. is abuzz with news that Al qaeda, the Islamic terrorist sect, is planning something big for their next attack, but how big? We sat down with Al queda member Zemar Dunis, who runs the East New Jersey Islamic Cherry Hill Gang, a non-profit cure for cancer group in Blight, New Jersey. "What the word on the Muslim street is saying is the next bombing will be tha bomb! Oh yes, my fellow qaeda guys are most definitely going to attack......Attack your senses, so your mind will be blown! First, there will be a huge parade through the streets, where the many Muslim men will preach about Allah and his wisdom. Following behind the men will be their women, dressed in their best veils and looking all the more sexy as they walk through the streets with their heads ducked and their mouths shut. After the parade there will be punch and pie in the "Infidel Tent", a kind of, meet a Muslim type setting, where the men will teach and praise Allah and his wisdom. For that the women will be at home where they belong. Then the fun begins as two of Al qaedas best magicians come to teach of the dangers and evil that black magic will bring you as their show starts with basic parlor tricks but then turns into a den of evil, which consequently turns into a beheading of one of the Magicians. Do not worry though, it is a fun time for the kiddies. Also, be sure to go if not to see the Black Magic fools lovely assistants, you'll feel the heat as they help and stand in their corners with their mouths shut. I don't know about you, but I've already reserved a seat for when it happens."
]Deep in the foothills of Texas, where the Buffalo do actually roam and the deer and the Antelope play occasionally together, there lives a creature that, since being discovered only thirty two years ago, has been photographed just four times in it's natural environment. It is so stealth like in it's habits that scientists still have know clue as to where it goes every year during the months of November through January, speculating that its strange disappearance could either be a "mating season rite or a winter hibernation like move". I am talking of course about the North American Forest Bovine, or what some like to call, the Feral Cow. The Feral Cow had always been considered a superstitious rumor that was thought up by the hill people of North Travis county in Texas, but it's discovery by Dr. Reginald Christian thirty two years ago, who found a lost calf wondering alone in the woods, is still considered one of the greatest large animal findings in recorded history. At the time, it was believed that all of North America had been discovered and the thought of a large cow(sometimes reaching a weight of 1500 lbs and a height of 6ft hoof to head) living sometimes literally within a mile of a major metropolitan city was unimaginable. "What we have here is proof of the impossible." Fred Joplin of the San Diego Zoo, where he is the current head of the reptile house(we could not reach anyone else) told us by phone, "What this finding did is give hope and precedence to all those that searched for things like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. It gave them reason to keep looking because, just like Bigfoot, the Feral Cow was just a local legend for that area, something scary parents told their kids to keep them indoors at night. But once it was proven that it existed, that there actually was a giant cow out there in the hills....well, why not Bigfoot as well?" The Feral Cow itself is not that much different from the normal dairy cow that you and I know, save for two distinct differences. While a dairy cow has short, fine hair spread around its body, the Feral has long hair that resembles a Mountain Yak in fluff and color. And while the farm cow is really not that intelligent in it's day to day reasoning skills, The Feral is an extremely intelligent creature, able to calculate situations it encounters with complex reasoning and in some well documented cases, a grasp of basic mathematics. Also, another difference in the two is the Feral Cow is a carnivore, eating only meat and has evolved over time into a formidable killing machine. Over the years many people have disappeared while hiking in the woods of west Texas, never to be heard from again, many of these disappearances can be linked to the Feral Cow. "Don't let that dumb cow look fool you, they'll tear you limb from limb and feast on your blood." So says John Kilmer, a Lake Jackson, Texas resident who lost his wife and child to a rouge Feral Cow that terrorized the town for more than a decade. "People go out camping and think to themselves it won't happen to them, no one ever sees the Cows, so they should be okay. Well I'm hear to tell you, it happens, the Cows happen. You come across one, you run like hell. They may look like the Blue Bell cow, all sweet and cuddly, they want you to think this, lull you in some, make you all comfortable....then Bam! The cow pounces, those cute eyes turn blood red and the last thing you hear is that horrible, horrible Moooooooo...... the most evil moo there ever was." More is hoped to be learned about the cow in the coming months when a expedition is launched that hopes to study the Feral Cow in it's natural environment. This being the third research study in as many years, the first two disappearing, both within a week of their launch, and have yet to be heard from. More as it develops.
I think thats enough for this week. If I get enough responses then I'll actually keep writing this, so if you like it please let me know. Here's the goal....if I get at least 10 responses then Ill go from there. Thank you.
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