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Kitten's Community Service 5: The Service takes Ma

"Thanks teammate, you're awesome...."
Kim Kardashian, spoken after a team member pushed her off the edge in Dead mans Crossing, giving her a suicide.

Community Service
Welcome to the 5th issue of Community Service. Today we will be sitting down with Sex and the City star, Sarah Jessica Parker, who tells us why she thinks Roadkill is overpowered, also we will show you how a Booster thinks and why they can't stop boosting and after that we will show you what really happened to Shadows power in a disturbing piece titled, "Shadow of Doubt, the conspiracy to nerf the hearse."
All this plus video of a tiger who is terrified of Talon, in this issue of Community Service........
But first.......

Are you Aware of Alts? They most certainly are aware of you. Statistics show that everyone of us will at some point come across an alt. They may look like you, dress like you and act like people you know but make no mistake, they are only motivated by one thing in life, to cause destruction and turmoil wherever they may go and they will not hesitate to kill you the second you drop your guard. If you or anyone you know has information that would help authorities in their ongoing pursuit of Alt relocation, please do not hesitate to call the 800 number located at the bottom of this message. All calls are anonymous and you would be doing your part in helping us rid the world of the Alt menace once and for all. For your children, For your Nation, For your world.....

In Memory of......
Recently we here at lost something very special to us all, the domain name Many of you may not be old enough to remember the TK site but those that do will tell you that it was a mostly happy domain name filled with people that occasionally visited.
Details are sketchy about the actual cause of the TK loss but many are saying that FoulPlay was involved, although we wont know for sure until the coroners report sometime next week. The question most are asking now is, where is FoulPlay and is he really someones alt account...
More details as they develop.

Other News

In an early morning raid by the FBI, Egypt was arrested and charged with, among other things, conspiracy to commit organized crime, extortion, attempted murder, selling of stolen merchandise, shoplifting and three counts of littering. Its the biggest bust in FBI history with nearly 42 million already arrested and countless more expected to be by days end, everyone is left to question how we didn't see Egypt for what it really was, a pyramid scheme? A press conference is to be held later this evening, hopefully the answers will be provided so that we may get the closure we need...

Three year old Green Ridge, South Carolina resident Tommy Wilcox is currently in minute four of his silent protest that is taking place inside his mothers Ford Mustang. Tensions between young Tommy and his mother came to a head only ten minutes earlier when he realized that the road they were on was going someplace other than the Park. Upon asking his mom where they were going, he was shocked to find that they were headed to the local Grocery store. Thinking quickly, Tommy started a low pitch squeal that sometimes helped him get what he wanted, though even he admits that has actually been some time since it last worked. Next he tried manipulation and annoyance on his captor but is was quickly shot down by his mom in the form of a mean threat to spank him when they arrived at the store. With his slide and swing chances dwindling by the second, Tommy realized that a silent protest would make his point heard, complete with an angry face just to drive it home. When we arrived on the scene it seemed as Tommy was holding steady in his silence with no sign of breaking anytime soon. We'll keep you updated as the action unfolds.

According to friends of Justin Timberlake, the actor/singer is seriously considering bringing Sexy back sometime this year. You may remember when Justin brought Sexy back in the summer of 2006, while it was a critical success, it had problems in the fact that those other boys didn't know how to act. Despite this setback, sources close to Justin are telling us that he is seriously going to go ahead and be gone with it while making up for things that he once lacked. We'll keep you posted.

In a recent Peoples Republic Poll it was found that over half of the population in China have no idea what the other half is usually saying. Over 300 million people were asked if they found it difficult to understand what others might be saying in a typical conversation, about 57 % of those polled said that because there language is a tonal language and therefore can be misunderstood easily, they would usually just nod in agreement, ask for the person to repeat what they've said, or simply stand there looking annoyed, confused or angry. The poll was taken after the General Secretary of the Communist Party, Hu Jintao, stopped a meeting with the deputies of the Party Congress of the Peoples Liberation Army/Navy after realizing he was supposed to be in a meeting with the Emergency Rescue Team of APF Guangdong Contingent, prompting Hu(in typical Hu fashion) to smile broadly, look towards the cameras and say, "I fucked up". He then shrugged his shoulders and scampered off the stage. Later it was decided that he just misunderstood his assistant when she told him his daily itinerary.

Scientists announced today that a comet will strike the World of Warcraft within three or four days, dramatically changing the surface of its terrain. The comet, nicknamed Ol' Glory by the Warcraft Astronomer who found it(BizKilla345), is probably going to strike somewhere in the Broken Isles area, causing massive tsunamis and Worldcraft wide devastation. As news of the impending doom spread around the online world, violence quickly erupted, causing at least twenty thousand confirmed fake deaths in the not real communities of the false world . Looting, riots and annoying lags of internet connections are just a few of the problems that the families of the World of Warcraft have been going through since hearing of the mile wide comet, but underneath it all there has been compassion as well. We heard from SmiteUall33, who told us of a man who has been giving away all his Warcraft possessions to those affected by the violence and to those who are still new to the World. Sadly though, his kindness was taken advantage of by some rouge Ironforge Dwarves, who killed him while he prayed with a Blood Elf. No plans have been made yet for evacuation though many are hoping that the World of Warcraft players will soon realize that it is only a game and get back to their real, everyday lives.

Community Service
Nothing like the site disappearing to make us all appreciate it a little bit more.
That's all Im going to say this community service, I believe that its all that needs to be said.
Join us next time when we visit a man claiming to be Sweettooths brother(and he drives a Volkswagen!!!) , we will talk with the Girl Scouts of America about why they wont play on Blackrock and we will cook BBQ with Vermin, all this plus exclusive first photos of David Jaffes pet Lemur Monkey, in the next issue of Community Service.

Editors Note:
The regular articles, Where are they Now and Announcements were somehow lost during the TK loss. We sincerely apologize if you wanted to read them. They wil return in their regularly appointed time slot next week. Thank you.

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